Staring at myself in the mirror, I realized something quite important. But I turned away from it, refusing to admit it to myself. Of course I was happy. How could I think otherwise? I had a beautiful, loving family, I had my first boyfriend, a few select but caring friends and so far as I had been taught, those were the elements of an alright life, right? Wrong. I just didn't notice it for a while, but there was something. Something staring me right in the face. And when I chanced to catch my stare in a window whilst doing the dishes one night, I finally had to admit it to myself with a relenting sigh. Life was certainly NOT alright. And I needed to stop fooling my own reflection.
Seventeen. Seems like a long life, but to other, older wiser people, I'm just a kid. The territory of the age seventeen (or any age ending in the dreaded word "teen" for that matter) comes with the added bonuses of unclear skin, rollercoaster emotions, highschool level DRAMA and, of course, the dreaded syndrome of "I know I'm gonna marry this guy, until of course he is stupid and ruins my life-- oh I like this new guy...". You don't have to openly agree with me, but admit it, all ye teenagers out there, it's the truth! What, you might ask, is my point? To put it simply, we teenagers are just plain dumb when we want to be. Love is such a strong word. It's blissful, painful, pure, truthful, as deep as the core of the earth, and very, VERY confusing. It's not to be handled lightly, certainly not to be tossed around like a volley ball and when you hear or drop that L-bomb, shouldn't it be felt deep in your heart, soul? Shouldn't it dance around your insides and cause the sun to beam from your eyes? You may rightfully say I have seen far too many romantic comedies, but the statement still stands. Love is a powerful thing. Like the song says: "those three words are said too much, though not enough." (Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol). Love is passed on so easily millions of times a day. How many of that million are said and really felt?
I was faced with this when "he" said it. I believed it simply the thing to do, to respond with returned feelings. Little did I know the power that I was giving away simply by saying the word "Love". And then it very, oh-so-slowly came to my attention. Oh God, the love, the portion of my heart that I gave away...it's being stomped on again and again, and I'm just letting it happen! That's not right, is it? Girls nowadays treat themselves like pieces of meat to be gawked at, mistreated, and abused whether lightly or severely. But, can't they all understand the gravity of the situation they are forcing on themselves each day they add more make up, straighten their hair just a little bit more, or just reveal an inch more of skin that should be kept to their own selves? We girls deserve so much out of life, out of those of the opposite sex, better known as "boys"! We need to make them fight for our attention, not beg for theirs with what we wear or do. We need to hold our hearts a little closer, therefore avoiding those nights of crying (because I've gone through many, trust me!), and also noticing how many guys are actually persitent or love you enough to go chasing after it. Like the quote from an unknown but brilliant mind: "Sometimes people put up walls not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." girls, you deserve to be cherised, revered, purely loved for who you are on the inside.
Which is why, ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to face a trying time in my dramatic teenage life. A milestone that is truly a great thing to pass, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. The break-up (insert horror movie scream here). Because I realized I deserve better, and he deserves time to mature, to grow up, simply. He's not the one. And please, to anyone who happens upon this lonely little blog, and who has made it this far (thanks for reading, by the way! ;) ) please realize never to settle! Feel blissful around the one you give the word Love to. Because it is truly the most powerful force on earth, and to those to already have found it, I raise my glass. There's noting better than that one moment in time when the stars align, you lock eyes with the future...
