Talk Straight-- you never know how long you'll have that opportunity.
I have always heard these words, spelled out in different ways throughout my life. And though I will offer it as advice myself so many times to others, I can never seem to follow it myself.
When someone asks me what is wrong, my usual go-to reply is "nothing", often accompanied with an indifferent shrug, a happy-go-lucky shake of the head. And most often, this is true. But those times when the nothing escapes my mouth, I realize only seconds later when the person is walking away that I could have been honest. I could have told them of my stress, my anger, my annoyances, things that make me sad. I could have said all the thoughts inside my head, whether happy or sad or just plain angry. But I never do. I just sit there and let another opportunity to TALK slip away.
It has come to my attention several times. In class, among my family, talking with sisters. They ask me what is wrong, and I reply exactly the same way. "Nothing!", "I don't know!", "If I had something wrong I would tell you." Often leading to an argument, these words are not always true. Is it lying? No. I honestly have no answer to that question of how I am. Most often, I am happy like my general persona lets on. But like all human beings, sometimes there are those days I just don't feel like doing -- well anything!
It is not only about how I am, or how any of us is. It's the person that hurts you but you don't defend yourself. It's the guy or girl you glance at countless times in class but never say a word, only endure your heart breaking every time he/she looks right through you. It's the one who says they no longer care about God or religion and would sooner party that go to church. You care about these people, you live day in and day out in the same home with them (yes, the world is like a BIG house, with the places we live like the rooms we escape to for shelter). Most often, you are going through the same annoyances and pains as the person sitting across the room from you, but you never notice them because they are over there, and you are here, and we're all too scared. Too scared to smile at a stranger, too frightened to say hi to the one you've loved for so long, too afraid to be HONEST.
But we don't have very long to be. I'm not those people who preach that the world is bound to end soon if we keep heading down this path, or to say the apocalypse is on it's way and we all better watch out. But what if? Ask yourself. And really think. If today was your last day, what would you do? If you had six months to live and you had two options: speak every little thought inside your head, even those that might change your life? Or would you still bite your lip as you walked past the one you secretly love? It's easier to do that, yes. I myself go through it. Would you say hi to every person you shared a sidewalk with, or would you frown and avert your eyes?
There are many people in the world. And by many, I mean millions. And each one of us are completely different, with so many view points, opinions, traits, flaws, likes, hobbies, loves, hates, pet peeves, things that make us individuals. But hey, have you thought. One thing that we all have in common, that we share no matter what, that we ignore or forget about or think it's not relevant in our every day lives. We ALL have a soul, a spirit inside us that is totally unlike the others but still the same, it's a beautiful thing that gives us a voice, through silent expression or through the most beautiful song. And if you place your hand on your chest, you'll feel that heartbeat that makes us ALIVE. But what is the point of living, if we cannot let our souls shine through our eyes, through our words, through our expression?
If you feel love, express it. If you are lost, call out for help. If you are scared, look around. You'll find we all are. And then look up, and try to realize that we were given a gift. That gift is life. We need to open that gift, and shout our gratitude to the world around us by simply LIVING.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Under Pressure
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
These are just a few lyrics from a song (Under Pressure - Queen) I heard today on the TV (shocker!) and it brought the same old thoughts to mind, especially when this song was both proceeded and followed by quite possibly the most --interesting promos to quite possibly the most --interesting string of Television shows of the modern day. And (now excuse me for sounding like an old woman who wishes she was back in the "dark ages") I can't help but remember a time when the things I see hurled at me from the TV screen weren't allowed to pass through the editing process of pre-production.
Now (warning!) I shall bring up the most over-used topic to date, the most debated, the most annoying and the most enraging subject for either praise or criticism known to man: Miley Cyrus (insert gasp). I was present for the debut of her young face on the TV screen, plastered everywhere as the "next big thing". She could sing, she could dance, she could act (eh.). She -was -it. At least that's what everyone else was saying. And I admit, I fell for it for a time. She was my idol, to be completely honest. A young fresh faced little girl, making her dreams come true as she moved upwards through fame unspoiled by all that came with the world. Wrong. It seemed the moment she struck with the age of "I can take care of myself and no one can tell me anything that I don't want to hear", it seemed she was shoved so far off the cliffs of insanity in so short a time that it sent the whole of America for a loop as she quit Disney Channel, blamed all her screw-ups on her family, and finally debuted her (disgusting) single, "Who Owns My Heart". I am not going to speak for all of America's parents, children, and little girls with Hannah Montana t-shirts, but I for one was disappointed and disgusted by how she treated the gift of fame she as given. And she let a lot of people down that day.
Moving onto another Disney Star that followed up very shortly after the infamous Hannah Montana was nearing its end. Demi Lovato released a song called "La La Land", in which she strictly informed all of America and the entire world that she would not be pressured by the weight of fame, money, or temptation. And without hesitation, the whole of the younger population jumped aboard her ship, setting sail for untainted entertainment. This lasted three glorious years. And then it blasted the news stations everywhere. Demi Lovato had snapped and promptly checked into Rehab. About three months and several tattoos later, Demi's still struggling to gain back what she once had.
Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Charlie Sheen, Kate Winslet, Katy Perry, Amy Winehouse (God rest her soul), and countless others young and old have torn down the path to destruction without a hesitation or step backwards. They are given a gift, a chance to change the world through the most recognized force of power known to the modern age: entertainment. And this, ladies and gentleman, is how they handle it. Their strength faltered, and they fell. And even continue to fall today. You rely on a starlet, you bank your money on them never turning and jumping in with the tides of tainted souls. And they disappoint, as they have done several times to yours truly. Yet some of us, those with strong souls and prayers to God, and trust in the faith that the world was once founded on, strive to make a difference in society and never make it past the first string that leads to the world on the other side of the wall blocking us from self-made-gods. The world of fame. Some of us are willing to receive the pressure, and fight against it until we reach the ultimate end, yet we are never chosen from amongst the crowd. The world is led by appearance, the exposure of what should be held in reverence. And those of us who rely on the faithful to lead life back into the sunlight, hang our heads when their souls are taken.
But we need to keep trying. Striving towards what God wants of us. To change the world in a way small or great. And it is hard, believe me I know. But so was the path of sacrifice for Jesus, and so is the path to those gates for every single human soul walking through life. We fall, but we can rise again. We turn against God, but he is still waiting. You may have fallen off the cliff, but no rope is too short to pull you back to safety. Fame; it can send you for quite the loop. But if and when I am chosen, I am blessed with the opportunity to shift the world to light again, you can rest assured God will be ever behind my shoulder, guiding my every move.
After all, we're all under pressure. But it is the strength of our souls that will judge if we can lift the load on our shoulders, and continue onward through the tides.
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves
This is our last dance
This is ourselves
Under pressure
These are just a few lyrics from a song (Under Pressure - Queen) I heard today on the TV (shocker!) and it brought the same old thoughts to mind, especially when this song was both proceeded and followed by quite possibly the most --interesting promos to quite possibly the most --interesting string of Television shows of the modern day. And (now excuse me for sounding like an old woman who wishes she was back in the "dark ages") I can't help but remember a time when the things I see hurled at me from the TV screen weren't allowed to pass through the editing process of pre-production.
Now (warning!) I shall bring up the most over-used topic to date, the most debated, the most annoying and the most enraging subject for either praise or criticism known to man: Miley Cyrus (insert gasp). I was present for the debut of her young face on the TV screen, plastered everywhere as the "next big thing". She could sing, she could dance, she could act (eh.). She -was -it. At least that's what everyone else was saying. And I admit, I fell for it for a time. She was my idol, to be completely honest. A young fresh faced little girl, making her dreams come true as she moved upwards through fame unspoiled by all that came with the world. Wrong. It seemed the moment she struck with the age of "I can take care of myself and no one can tell me anything that I don't want to hear", it seemed she was shoved so far off the cliffs of insanity in so short a time that it sent the whole of America for a loop as she quit Disney Channel, blamed all her screw-ups on her family, and finally debuted her (disgusting) single, "Who Owns My Heart". I am not going to speak for all of America's parents, children, and little girls with Hannah Montana t-shirts, but I for one was disappointed and disgusted by how she treated the gift of fame she as given. And she let a lot of people down that day.
Moving onto another Disney Star that followed up very shortly after the infamous Hannah Montana was nearing its end. Demi Lovato released a song called "La La Land", in which she strictly informed all of America and the entire world that she would not be pressured by the weight of fame, money, or temptation. And without hesitation, the whole of the younger population jumped aboard her ship, setting sail for untainted entertainment. This lasted three glorious years. And then it blasted the news stations everywhere. Demi Lovato had snapped and promptly checked into Rehab. About three months and several tattoos later, Demi's still struggling to gain back what she once had.
Beyoncé, Lady Gaga, Charlie Sheen, Kate Winslet, Katy Perry, Amy Winehouse (God rest her soul), and countless others young and old have torn down the path to destruction without a hesitation or step backwards. They are given a gift, a chance to change the world through the most recognized force of power known to the modern age: entertainment. And this, ladies and gentleman, is how they handle it. Their strength faltered, and they fell. And even continue to fall today. You rely on a starlet, you bank your money on them never turning and jumping in with the tides of tainted souls. And they disappoint, as they have done several times to yours truly. Yet some of us, those with strong souls and prayers to God, and trust in the faith that the world was once founded on, strive to make a difference in society and never make it past the first string that leads to the world on the other side of the wall blocking us from self-made-gods. The world of fame. Some of us are willing to receive the pressure, and fight against it until we reach the ultimate end, yet we are never chosen from amongst the crowd. The world is led by appearance, the exposure of what should be held in reverence. And those of us who rely on the faithful to lead life back into the sunlight, hang our heads when their souls are taken.
But we need to keep trying. Striving towards what God wants of us. To change the world in a way small or great. And it is hard, believe me I know. But so was the path of sacrifice for Jesus, and so is the path to those gates for every single human soul walking through life. We fall, but we can rise again. We turn against God, but he is still waiting. You may have fallen off the cliff, but no rope is too short to pull you back to safety. Fame; it can send you for quite the loop. But if and when I am chosen, I am blessed with the opportunity to shift the world to light again, you can rest assured God will be ever behind my shoulder, guiding my every move.
After all, we're all under pressure. But it is the strength of our souls that will judge if we can lift the load on our shoulders, and continue onward through the tides.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Somebody
Ah, yes, Disney Channel. The greatest spot to get any life message you need to hear. The perfect place to remind you one: you ARE special and two: that you can truly write a song about every little situation --ever.
Yes, I was watching the Disney channel today and a song came on stating simply "It's time for me to be somebody". And yes, that is quite a hokey message, perhaps even a little "high school musical" but I say for a final time: YES, I found myself leaning closer to the screen with big dreamy eyes, drinking in the message of the song from the bright and beautiful tween girl singing back at the camera. And if you take away the sparkly music video, the fluffy melody and the perfect poster children singing it, the poetry behind the words "time to be somebody" rang true and straight to my heart. Because I am the 17 year old girl at home who for all her "long" life has been in a public school two years (and ladies and gentleman, that's first and second grade), never got a summer break (what can I say--procrastinator.) and is now faced with the realization she'll have to stick around home for another two years. But it's not for any normal means, naturally. I'm not the trouble maker kid who didn't pay attention in my make-shift classroom/sewing room downstairs, and I've most certainly always been the one up late nights completing biology homework on the bathroom floor. No, no. You mistake me. The two years that I am assigned (worst. homework. assignment. ever.) have to do completely with my inability to stay seated in a classroom chair without hearing my name 20 times per hour, called from all corners of a house.
My mornings consist of breakfast, coffee (if there's some leftover), helping mom and dad with lunches, wishing both a good day at school and work respectively, getting ready in thirty minutes and then tossing some laundry in the washer/dryer, continuing on to the dishes, folding said laundry and then MAYBE some time for a school lecture or two (read from a book in many assorted accents by my lips), before it's off to lunch, where I rummage through the fridge, shove some left-overs down my throat, and then I change over the laundry, maybe empty said dishwasher I loaded earlier, and then MAYBE I can sit down long enough to watch a DVD lecture of school (if I don't get distracted with more folding laundry). Oh, joy, work has arrived and I'm out the door exactly at 3:00, I sit there at work (where I babysit two very...energetic boys of ages ten and eight), bide my time until it's the internet hour with a dear friend...who I've never met in person but who lives across a "few" MILES of ocean in Germany...ahem. Then I bide my time (what am I so excited for?) impatiently until it's around 6:00 (depending on the day), head home, help or make dinner (depending on the day again), eat said dinner (oooh three people dinners...fun.), watch my parents scatter in all directions...sit there drinking coffee and surfing channels... do the dishes... sit there surfing channels...actually look FORWARD to 10:30...go to bed (after wrapping up the bird's cage, feeding the fish and taking the dog out for the night).
And yes, ladies and gentleman, if you have stuck around this long, that is my life, and yes it's lame. So now you ask where was I headed with this long-winded "introduction"? I'm getting there. The real interesting stuff happens after my nightly prayers and when I'm just drifting off to sleep, just comfortable enough to allow the dreams of the misty life ahead to trickle into my weary mind. Somehow I find myself in the same scene every time I close my eyes before sleeping: leaning over a wide board room table, dressed in the most adorable business attire my mind can muster, with Kristen Bell's face, New Yorker style, and a fresh attitude, taking charge, telling people what to do in order to get out of the latest hitch. Odd right? But it's glorious at the same time. It's perfect; because I'm making a difference in the world. That's what I want to do!
Do you ever watch those movies that make high school out to be challenging, yes, brutal, maybe and perhaps like a nightmare but somehow in the end it all turns out to be a world of awesomeness? That is my perception of high school right now (blame none other than the Disney Channel for that one). But no, honestly, I do know that high school is a pain (to put it VERY lightly). My five older siblings have let me know this, even the sister who's never been to high school is attempting to snap me out of it. But I KNOW! And still, I find myself tonight nearly turning to my mother and blurting out "can I go to school for my Senior year this fall?!" (disclaimer...I didn't do it. Which is why I'm still alive and writing to you (who's you?) right now). This little paragraph is just to paint a picture of just how desperate I really am... I am a sad state of affairs, I know. ;)
But... It IS my time to be somebody, I cannot wait two more years. I wake up every morning staring at my ceiling just waiting. For what? I don't know. But I wish I did. Life. It's so murky right now I just don't know what lies at the end of the long dark tunnel I'm wandering through. I just want to run, to see what's waiting for me, to finally know I'm making that difference in the world I yearn for whenever that crystal scene meets my eyes. This posting may be full of useless ramblings and a long string of grammatically correct (or incorrect) pipe-dreams and rubbish. But it's my thoughts. It's my heart. And it's my life. But I don't want to be trapped inside my own home anymore, staring down from a high tower, waiting for the mist below to clear so I can take that leap.
I just want a voice to call to me, letting me know where to go from here...
Yes, I was watching the Disney channel today and a song came on stating simply "It's time for me to be somebody". And yes, that is quite a hokey message, perhaps even a little "high school musical" but I say for a final time: YES, I found myself leaning closer to the screen with big dreamy eyes, drinking in the message of the song from the bright and beautiful tween girl singing back at the camera. And if you take away the sparkly music video, the fluffy melody and the perfect poster children singing it, the poetry behind the words "time to be somebody" rang true and straight to my heart. Because I am the 17 year old girl at home who for all her "long" life has been in a public school two years (and ladies and gentleman, that's first and second grade), never got a summer break (what can I say--procrastinator.) and is now faced with the realization she'll have to stick around home for another two years. But it's not for any normal means, naturally. I'm not the trouble maker kid who didn't pay attention in my make-shift classroom/sewing room downstairs, and I've most certainly always been the one up late nights completing biology homework on the bathroom floor. No, no. You mistake me. The two years that I am assigned (worst. homework. assignment. ever.) have to do completely with my inability to stay seated in a classroom chair without hearing my name 20 times per hour, called from all corners of a house.
My mornings consist of breakfast, coffee (if there's some leftover), helping mom and dad with lunches, wishing both a good day at school and work respectively, getting ready in thirty minutes and then tossing some laundry in the washer/dryer, continuing on to the dishes, folding said laundry and then MAYBE some time for a school lecture or two (read from a book in many assorted accents by my lips), before it's off to lunch, where I rummage through the fridge, shove some left-overs down my throat, and then I change over the laundry, maybe empty said dishwasher I loaded earlier, and then MAYBE I can sit down long enough to watch a DVD lecture of school (if I don't get distracted with more folding laundry). Oh, joy, work has arrived and I'm out the door exactly at 3:00, I sit there at work (where I babysit two very...energetic boys of ages ten and eight), bide my time until it's the internet hour with a dear friend...who I've never met in person but who lives across a "few" MILES of ocean in Germany...ahem. Then I bide my time (what am I so excited for?) impatiently until it's around 6:00 (depending on the day), head home, help or make dinner (depending on the day again), eat said dinner (oooh three people dinners...fun.), watch my parents scatter in all directions...sit there drinking coffee and surfing channels... do the dishes... sit there surfing channels...actually look FORWARD to 10:30...go to bed (after wrapping up the bird's cage, feeding the fish and taking the dog out for the night).
And yes, ladies and gentleman, if you have stuck around this long, that is my life, and yes it's lame. So now you ask where was I headed with this long-winded "introduction"? I'm getting there. The real interesting stuff happens after my nightly prayers and when I'm just drifting off to sleep, just comfortable enough to allow the dreams of the misty life ahead to trickle into my weary mind. Somehow I find myself in the same scene every time I close my eyes before sleeping: leaning over a wide board room table, dressed in the most adorable business attire my mind can muster, with Kristen Bell's face, New Yorker style, and a fresh attitude, taking charge, telling people what to do in order to get out of the latest hitch. Odd right? But it's glorious at the same time. It's perfect; because I'm making a difference in the world. That's what I want to do!
Do you ever watch those movies that make high school out to be challenging, yes, brutal, maybe and perhaps like a nightmare but somehow in the end it all turns out to be a world of awesomeness? That is my perception of high school right now (blame none other than the Disney Channel for that one). But no, honestly, I do know that high school is a pain (to put it VERY lightly). My five older siblings have let me know this, even the sister who's never been to high school is attempting to snap me out of it. But I KNOW! And still, I find myself tonight nearly turning to my mother and blurting out "can I go to school for my Senior year this fall?!" (disclaimer...I didn't do it. Which is why I'm still alive and writing to you (who's you?) right now). This little paragraph is just to paint a picture of just how desperate I really am... I am a sad state of affairs, I know. ;)
But... It IS my time to be somebody, I cannot wait two more years. I wake up every morning staring at my ceiling just waiting. For what? I don't know. But I wish I did. Life. It's so murky right now I just don't know what lies at the end of the long dark tunnel I'm wandering through. I just want to run, to see what's waiting for me, to finally know I'm making that difference in the world I yearn for whenever that crystal scene meets my eyes. This posting may be full of useless ramblings and a long string of grammatically correct (or incorrect) pipe-dreams and rubbish. But it's my thoughts. It's my heart. And it's my life. But I don't want to be trapped inside my own home anymore, staring down from a high tower, waiting for the mist below to clear so I can take that leap.
I just want a voice to call to me, letting me know where to go from here...
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